Having grown up in a military family, Tisha Olsen, 51, felt it would be an honor to lay down her life for the United States.
But dying during her 22 years in the Marine Corps also meant that no one would have known who she really was.
Today, Olsen identifies as a transgender woman. But back then, she couldn’t come out. She served in the Marines Corps from 1982 to 2005. The Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell policy was in place during the last half of her service. That meant LGBTQ troops could be in the military as long as they kept their identities a secret.
So Olsen had keep her true self hidden, but she said that often made her feel angry, hateful and vengeful.
“I volunteered for every suicide mission I could go for,” the West Vallley City resident said. “If I died a glorious death in battle and training, I’m a hero and my little secret is safe.”
Charlene Coleman, 68, served in the Navy during the Vietnam War before there was any acknowledgement of LGBTQ service members. Like Olsen, she had to hide who she was. She said that involved suppressing her feelings, learning to be cold and take on every dangerous job she could think of to prove her masculinity.
Coleman said that eventually led to the idea that death would be easier.
“It’s not as bad,” she thought. “At least you’re done with it. You don’t have to deal with it any longer.”
But this March, she finally came out to the world as Charlene. She said her ongoing transition has not only made her happier, but also improved her health.
“It was the best decision I ever made,” the Salt Lake City resident said. “I have never been this excited about life than I can ever remember.”
Breeze Hannaford, a licensed clinical social worker at Salt Lake’s George E. Wahlen Department of Veterans Affairs Medical Center, thinks the treatment of LGBTQ service members has come a long way, but she says that this year things took a step back. In April, the Trump adminstration transgender military ban went into effect. The policy bans anyone with gender dysphoria who is taking hormones or has already undergone a gender transition from enlisting.
Hannaford says that some transgender people already in the military are essentially grandfathered in. The Palm Center, a public policy think tank at UC Santa Barbara, found though that of the 14,700 transgender troops serving in the military, only a small percentage are actually protected.
Olsen thinks it's one of the most discriminatory policies that the U.S. government has ever implemented.
“The military doesn’t look at gender,” she said. “They look at how you do your job. I could have done my job perfectly as I am dressed now.”
She gestured to her shoulder-length greying sandy-colored hair, red, white and blue top with lace sleeves and perfectly manicured nails.
The ban was challenged in court, but a federal appeals court and the U.S. Supreme Court upheld it in their rulings this year.
But Hannaford remains optomistic about the future of transgender service members because of those who were allowed to stay under the current policy.
“They are setting the example and I think they are going to prove that they are just as good as everyone else in being the soldiers that they are there to be,” Hannaford said.
Even though Olsen is retired from the military, she wants to continue helping others by speaking out and sharing her story.
“I have to thank Charlene for paving the way for me, not because she was transgender but being a Vietnam veteran,” she said.
“I am going to pave the way for the Marine that wants to be in heels and shooting a .50 caliber sniper rifle.”