In Utah, there's one major theme
That every beehiver will dream:
The theme, I submit
Is to comfort'bly sit
At the top of a pyramid scheme
Sam Beeson
American Fork, UT
In Utah the "T" is oft "quie'."
If you are "done ea'ing" you "die'."
If you play "up the moun'ain,"
Or "Ga'eway's" kid "foun'ain",
Then "Lay'on's" your home, don't "deny i'."
Robert Rhoades
On Comestibles and Obsequies
To sample haute Utah cuisine,
Try cured ham and canned "French Style" green beans,
Add potatoes funereal,
Then, after the burial,
Munch diced carrots in jello that's green.
Justin Kennington
Payson, UT
We've got skiing and church ball and hockey.
We've got red rock and slickrock and Rocky.
We like Jazz-on a roll-
Our caffeine served cold,
And the Feds far from old Escalante.
Paul Rawlins
Salt Lake City, UT
There are some things that we find deplorin'
Like drinkin' and gamblin' and whorin'
And if you've got an ear
For a music career
It better be wholesome, like Orrin.
Polly Light
Salt Lake City, UT
The Prophet did recently say
To our members who think they are gay
If you act like a queer
You can't worship here
But we love you -
Just not in that way.
Rick Hough
Salt Lake City, UT
There once was a fellow named Norman
Who annoyed both his boss and his foreman.
"You can't work on Sunday,
Or nights if its Monday,
Don't tell me, you must be a ... member of the dominant religion."
Matthew Nickerson
Cedar City, UT
Though politics leans heavily right sided
The state is still much divided.
Not Gentile against Jew
It's red versus blue.
But on deer hunter orange we're united.
Brent Bluth
South Jordan, UT
In Utah the waste's gonna get hotta
Unless we get reps who are smarta.
No spike, board, or bee,
it seems clear to me,
But a glowworm for our new state quarta!
Susan Reese
West Valley City, UT
It is not from a lack of good zoning
That perfection's not ours, thus the moaning.
The one little flaw
That sticks in our craw
Is the bite taken out by Wyoming.
Peter Jensen
Salt Lake City, UT
In Utah elections, I've heard,
The Democrat always takes third.
But somehow I bet
If I wrote in my pet
The Democrat'd take fourth to my bird.
Natalie Richards
Pleasant Grove, UT
Our landscapes and mountains are graced
with dear mother natures sweet face
but slip on your boots
when you visit Goshutes
there is six feet of nuclear waste
Katie Roberts
West Jordan, UT
In Provo a doctor told Sue
"I've wonderful news to give you"
"Your ninth child's on the way"
To which Sue shouted "Yay...
That's so cool since my mom's pregnant too!"
Don Strassberg
Salt Lake City, UT
"No tobacco, no coffee, no tea"
Says the Word of Wisdom, you see.
Caffeine is forbidden
Unless it is hidden
In a 32 ounce Coke or Pepsi.
David Pascoe
Salt Lake City, UT
The Mormons who hail from new Zion
Eschew tobacco, cheat'n and lie'n
But when it comes to their sweets
Like chocolate and treats
Their gluttony floweth like wi-ne
Duke Rogers
Salt Lake City, UT
On the hill where our Capital rises
Mr Darwin doesn't get Nobel prizes
Chris Buttars is sure
That our lineage is pure
And no ape's DNA is inside us.
Art Roscoe
Huntsville, UT
Those ignernt people who's not in
Our pretty great state say we's gotten,
Like, second-rate learnin'.
Them's got my cheeks burnin'-
Cause I'm proud what our taxes have boughten.
Neil Cotter
Salt Lake City, UT
The Utes who had lived here before
Are gone from the Great Salt Lake shore
Now their main claim to fame
Is the state with their name
But tell me, what is the "-ah" for?
For speeding, Lake Bonneville's best
Fast drivers all give it a test
But no matter the pace,
They'll still lose the race
When casino bound drivers head west
Joseph Ficklin
Provo, UT
True Utahans eschew all profanity
It goes against good Christianity
Use flip, heck and gol
While shopping the mall
But the f-bomb's a freakin' inanity.
Scot Denhalter
Clearfield, UT
If you're not one of them, then you're us,
it's a status you must always "sus"
upon meeting a stranger
it's a question of danger-
should you or should you not cuss?
Sue Cotter
Parowan, UT
In Utah there will always be chatter-
Where a question's the heart of the matter.
While more are called saint
The minority ain't
I'm the former, are you sure I am 'Latter'?
Benjamin Fox
Salt Lake City, UT
Utah liberal walks into a bar
Says "Mr.Miller has gone a step too far
Brokeback Mountain's OK
But if he thinks it's too gay
I'll ask Menlove to sell me a car."
Karen Acker
Salt Lake City, UT
I've lived in Salt Lake for ten years,
a thought that nearly brings me to tears.
While sitting on my deck,
I actually said, "oh my heck",
and realized all my worst fears.
Christine Frazer
Farmington, UT
Brother Brigham said, "This is the place."
So Utah is God's chosen space.
Then the Gentiles moved in
With their drinks and their sin
And threatened an antitrust case.
Mark Peterson
Ogden, UT
Utah! Reddest state in the land,
Where ev'rything lib'ral is banned.
No gay cowboys here!
No six-percent beer!
And none of the parenthood's planned.
Maury Kettell
Layton, UT
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