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Limericks

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Or click the contact us link at our website, waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows back at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and our upcoming show at Tanglewood in Lenox, Mass., September 1. Also, you can check out our How to Do Everything podcast. This week, Mike and Ian reveal the secret life of bees.

Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

SAM MUNGO: Hi, this is Sam Mungo from Kyle, Texas.

SAGAL: Hey, Sam Mungo. That's a cool name. Where are you calling from? Kyle, Texas, you say?

MUNGO: Yes, beautiful downtown Kyle.

SAGAL: All right. And what do you do there in Texas?

MUNGO: I am an opera singer and a director of opera at Texas State University.

SAGAL: Wow, I didn't know they - actually, I was about to say...

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: ...That I didn't know they had opera in Texas, but I know they do. Houston is a huge center for opera, I happen to know.

MUNGO: Houston and Dallas and Texas State University.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Absolutely. Well, Sam, welcome to the show. Bill Kurtis is going to perform for you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you'll be a winner. Ready to play?

MUNGO: I am, thanks.

SAGAL: Here is your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS: This Wal-Mart brand's more than just fine. On a 10-point scale, it's 9.9. Our malbec from Chile is solid, not frilly. A $6 bottle of...

MUNGO: Wine.

KURTIS: Wine it is.

SAGAL: Yes, indeed.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: It turns out, according to wine experts, that now one of the best wines in the world is a $6 malbec you can only - get only at Wal-Mart. That means you can get a high-class drunk on and have enough change for the coin-operated race car ride out front.

(LAUGHTER)

MAZ JOBRANI: Well, here's my thing. Now, is this in a box? Or is it, like - but if it unscrews, I tend to not want to buy it.

BOBCAT GOLDTHWAIT: Yeah.

JOBRANI: But am I wrong? Maybe I'm wrong.

SAGAL: You are. First of all, you are totally wrong.

JOBRANI: Yeah.

GOLDTHWAIT: I thought you were about to do "Green Eggs And Ham."

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Yeah.

GOLDTHWAIT: Is it in a box?

JOBRANI: Is it with a fox?

(LAUGHTER)

JOBRANI: Is it on the rocks? Is it in the docks?

ROXANNE ROBERTS: Now, Peter's right. You shouldn't...

GOLDTHWAIT: I do not like this boxed wine, Sam.

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

GOLDTHWAIT: I do not like it, Sam-I-Am.

ROBERTS: You're being snobs - you're being wine snobs.

SAGAL: I love that classic, "Green Eggs And Night Train" by Dr. Seuss.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: What's wrong with you, kid? Did a gland break? Your grip is as limp as a bland cake. Some work on a farm might strengthen your arm. Your tech job gives you a weak...

MUNGO: Wow.

(LAUGHTER)

MUNGO: Steak.

SAGAL: No. It's a two-syllable answer. It rhymes with gland break, bland cake.

MUNGO: Robert Blake.

SAGAL: No.

(LAUGHTER)

GOLDTHWAIT: I like the way you think.

SAGAL: Yeah.

JOBRANI: There's no such thing as a weak Robert Blake.

SAGAL: No. I'll give you the answer. It's hand shake.

MUNGO: Hand shake?

SAGAL: Yeah, a weak handshake. Despite the popularity of video games and easy access to pornography, our grip strength is getting weaker.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: According to a story in the Journal Of Hand Therapy, the hands of millennials are 10 to 20 percent weaker than those tested in the 1980s. Researchers blame this on the rise of household technology, less manual labor and the fading away of old fashioned childhood sports like Rubik's Cubes and pinball.

LAUGHTER

JOBRANI: There's nothing worse than a loose handshake. I hate that. That just tells you the guy's not passionate about life.

SAGAL: Really?

JOBRANI: I'm just, like - yeah, I just - when someone goes eh (ph) I'm like eh.

SAGAL: What is worse - a loose, weak handshake or one of those alpha-male handshakes...

JOBRANI: Yeah.

SAGAL: ...Where they try to crush your fingers just to show you?

JOBRANI: I love the - the alpha male is good because then you go back and then afterwards you go, oh, you're strong. And then...

(LAUGHTER)

ROBERTS: Really?

JOBRANI: And then you avoid that person the rest of your life.

(LAUGHTER)

GOLDTHWAIT: Yeah.

SAGAL: All right. You have one more limerick, Sam. Let's see if you can get this one. If you do, you'll win. Here's your...

MUNGO: All right.

SAGAL: ...Last limerick.

KURTIS: My wife and I love to wax floors. It gets us both down on all fours.

(LAUGHTER)

KURTIS: It makes us feel flirty to get down and dirty. Our love life's great when we do.

MUNGO: Yours?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Did you just say yours?

MUNGO: Yes.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: No. That's - that's - that's - that's not the right answer.

JOBRANI: Well, it does rhyme.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Waxing the floors might be an example of a...

MUNGO: Oh, chores.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Yes, there you go.

KURTIS: Chores, hello, touchdown.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

KURTIS: (Laughter) Attaboy, Sam.

MUNGO: Opera singer, you know.

SAGAL: Research - research out this week says that couples who do chores together - folding the laundry together, doing the dishes, whatever - have more and better sex than couples who don't. But don't get excited, guys. When she asks you if you want to help her clean the carpet tonight, she is not suggesting anything.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Sam do on our quiz?

KURTIS: You're OK. It was a chore to get them out, but you got 2 out of 3. So you're a winner.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Congratulations. Well done. Thank you so much for playing, Sam.

MUNGO: Thanks so much, Peter. Bye-bye.

SAGAL: Bye-bye.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "SO FRESH, SO CLEAN")

OUTKAST: (Singing) Ain't nobody dope as me. I'm just so fresh, so clean - so fresh and so clean, clean. Don't you think I'm so sexy. I'm just so fresh, so clean - so fresh and so clean, clean. Ain't nobody... Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.

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