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Limericks

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call to leave a message at 1-888-WAIT WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Or you can click the contact us link on our website. That's waitwait.npr.org. You can find out about attending our weekly live shows at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and our upcoming shows in Rochester, N.Y., on October 20 and in Nashville on November 3. And be sure to check out the latest How To Do Everything podcast. This week, Mike and Ian tell you how to actually sound interesting when you tell someone about that crazy dream you had last night.

Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

MEGHAN STANLEY: Hi, this is Meghan Stanley calling from Washington, D.C.

SAGAL: Hey, how are things in our nation's capital?

STANLEY: They're good, probably the same as you see on the news.

SAGAL: Probably. Well, on the news, it's terrible. Are you a member of the permanent government class?

STANLEY: No, I work at a think tank here in D.C.

SAGAL: Oh, wow. I've always wondered what it is like to work at a think tank. Do they just make you think? Do you have to, like, tell people what you thought of all day?

ROY BLOUNT JR: Do you have to stop and think or just think?

STANLEY: It's mostly - yeah, it's mostly thinking. They don't let me drive the tank very often.

SAGAL: Oh, I see.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, welcome to the show, Meghan. Bill Kurtis is going to perform for you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you will be a winner. Are you ready to play?

STANLEY: Absolutely.

SAGAL: People expect a lot from you because you are a professional thinker.

PAULA POUNDSTONE: Yeah.

STANLEY: (Laughter) Don't expect too much.

SAGAL: Here is your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS: My downward dog hit some sour notes as my yoga mat's strewn with dried oats. I pose on this farm with some cloven hoof charm. I'm doing my yoga with...

STANLEY: Goats.

SAGAL: Goats, yes.

KURTIS: Goats it is, yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: For just $10 a session, the No Regrets Farm in Albany, Ore., is offering Goat Yoga. It's like Bikram yoga, but instead of being really hot, there are a lot of goats.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The classes are held outside and feature standard yoga poses - child's pose, warrior pose, downward eating-a-garbage-bag-full-of-old-cans pose.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: I could do that.

BLOUNT JR: I think rabbits would be better.

POUNDSTONE: What would be? Rabbits?

BLOUNT JR: Rabbits.

POUNDSTONE: Well, I have 14 cats. I was thinking, you know, you can be in, like, a pretzel position and my cat could come stick its butt in your face and that would...

TOM BODETT: But - I mean, there was a lot of management involved with all the - I think, like, hamsters, you could have - you could just, like, sweep them off when you're done and put them back.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: Sephora's not quick on the take up. Each day, I come here once I wake up. To work I will rush with their lip gloss and blush. With samples, I've put on my...

STANLEY: Makeup.

SAGAL: Yes, yes.

KURTIS: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Lipstick and nail polish are expensive. And according to a - that well-known fashion blog, The Wall Street Journal, instead of buying cosmetics, more and more women are using free samples at makeup stores to do their faces every morning. They walk in, they spend 20 minutes trying out different products, and they walk out without buying anything. And they do it again the next morning. Some women aren't using the products on themselves. They're going with friends and do full makeovers.

BLOUNT JR: Oh.

POUNDSTONE: I did that before.

BLOUNT JR: Well, why is there no fried chicken lipstick?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: 'Cause you'd sit around licking your lips all day and people would be freaked out.

BLOUNT JR: That's true.

POUNDSTONE: Yeah.

SAGAL: By the way, if you're concerned about people taking more than their fair share, taking advantage of the generosity of the makeup companies, according to one biologist, at least half the sample products on display at department stores are contaminated with bacteria. So enjoy your new face. It comes with leprosy.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right, here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: The New York Times grid is a muzzle. No up-to-date slang will they guzzle. We are hip, small batch brews of brand-new micro clues. We're making a new indie...

STANLEY: Puzzle?

SAGAL: Puzzle.

KURTIS: Puzzle it is.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Yes, very good.

KURTIS: I thought you would never get that.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Today's kids, the hipsters, they want all things to be indie. Indie music, indie beer, Indiana. So...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The latest indie craze, the artisanal is crossword puzzles. Those hipsters like things on the down low and the across low. Bill, how did Meghan do?

KURTIS: Meghan did great. She's from a think tank and she thought right. Congratulations, Meghan.

SAGAL: Well done. Good thinking, Meghan.

(APPLAUSE)

STANLEY: Thank you.

SAGAL: Thanks for playing. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.

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