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Panel Questions


Every week, we record far more material than we have time to broadcast. And this year, we hired an intern to come in and sweep up the extra segments from the editing room floor. Here's a selection.

All right, panelists, it is time for a new game. And we are calling it...


BILL KURTIS: Name That Drug.

SAGAL: Now, you are actually going to need a pencil for this, so get ready your pencil or anything to write with because this is what we're going to do. This week, Eli Lilly got emergency approval for a new coronavirus treatment. We're going to give you the syllables of the name of the drug. And you have to put them in the right order. Are you ready, Bill? Here we go. Here are your syllables.

KURTIS: Mab, ni, la, vi, bam.

SAGAL: So once again, we want you to put those five syllables together in some order to give us the name of the new COVID treatment.

ALONZO BODDEN: Can we get them again a little slower?

SAGAL: Yes, we can. Here we go.

KURTIS: Mab, ni, la, vi, bam.


SAGAL: All right. You ready? OK, Maeve, you go first. What is the name of this drug?

HIGGINS: Bammabnilavi (ph).


SAGAL: Close. Close.

HIGGINS: Did I get it?

SAGAL: No. Alonzo, how about you?

BODDEN: I'm working on it right now. I think it's Vibamniblamab (ph)? Yeah, Vibamniblamab. I'd shoot that up in a minute.


BODDEN: Me some Vibamni - matter of fact, I'll get mine on a street corner. I don't even need a pharmacy.

SAGAL: You've both come close. You have some syllables in the right place, but you haven't got any yet. Joanna, it's up to you.

JOANNA HAUSMANN: Bamlinamab (ph).

SAGAL: You are so close. The correct answer is Bamlanivimab.

HIGGINS: Bamlanivimab.

SAGAL: Bamlanivimab is the name of this new treatment produced by Eli Lilly. And we want to say to Eli Lilly, hey, guys, the next time before you head out to the press conference to announce the name, look in the mirror and just take one syllable off. You don't need it.


HIGGINS: Yeah, or just give it a - you know, like, a popular guy's name. Just call it Jacob.

SAGAL: Yeah.

HIGGINS: You know?

SAGAL: Jacob the drug.

BODDEN: I think that you shouldn't be taking the Bamlanivimab before you name the Bamlanivimab.

SAGAL: That's true.


RITCHIE VALENS: (Singing) Para bailar la bamba. Para bailar la bamba...

SAGAL: The British retailer Marks & Spencer has a new Christmas-themed pastry with a very unusual name. Do you know what it is?

DULCE SLOAN: Christmas-themed - well, I assume it has nothing to do with the birth of our lord and savior Jesus Christ.

SAGAL: It does not.

SLOAN: So I'm thinking tree-themed, Santa-themed.

MAZ JOBRANI: Santa-themed, right? It's got to be Santa.

SAGAL: It is Santa-themed, yes.

JOBRANI: Santa Paws?


JOBRANI: Like a bear claw?

SLOAN: Is it a Kris Cruller, like Kris Kringle?

SAGAL: That's also a good guess. But you're all wrong, I'm afraid. I will tell you what it is. It is the Santa's Yumnut.

HELEN HONG: (Laughter).

SAGAL: It is a donut-croissant hybrid. And the slogan is, who wants a bite of Santa's Yumnut?

HONG: Wow.

SAGAL: That's also what they say to threaten the elves when toy production slows down at the North Pole.

SLOAN: This isn't American.

SAGAL: This is not American. This is British.

SLOAN: I thought not 'cause we would know better.

HONG: See...

SLOAN: Also, they don't even call him Santa. They call him Father Christmas.

SAGAL: That's true.

SLOAN: So they couldn't call it Father's Yumnut. So I get it.

SAGAL: No, that gets a little weird.

JOBRANI: (Laughter).

SAGAL: The Santa's Yumnut is a flaky doughnut decorated to look like the top of Santa's pants with red legs and a belt buckle right across it. You think I'm joking?

HONG: What?

SAGAL: But...

JOBRANI: Google.

SAGAL: But yes, Virginia, there is a Santa crotch.

HONG: (Laughter).


SAGAL: Alonzo, a team of scientists are being lauded this week for an experiment where they studied the vocal patterns of alligators after they made the alligator do what?

BODDEN: Wow, it's just one of those things. An alligator question puts me in the mind of Florida, which means it could be anything. It could be anything on Earth. Feeding them a certain thing - is it feeding them...

SAGAL: No. Close, but no.

BODDEN: Can you give me some kind of hint? What would you...

SAGAL: Sure. Well, the trick was getting the alligator to suck on the balloon.

BODDEN: Oh, they gave them helium?

SAGAL: Yes, they gave the alligators helium to breathe.


SAGAL: Scientists were conducting a study about the vocal resonances of alligators, which is boring. But you know what's not? Alligators talking with funny voices. They're a lot less scary when they, like, float up to you going (imitating helium-affected voice) hey, come into the water; I'm going to bite you.

ADAM BURKE: Do you know how much better that show would have been if it was "Alligator And The Chipmunks"?


BURKE: It would have been one episode, and the second episode would have just been "Alligator."

BODDEN: Are we sure this wasn't just a bet? Like, I bet you can't get that alligator to suck up the helium out of this balloon.


SAGAL: Maeve, Disneyland may still be closed.


SAGAL: But amusement park lovers have another choice - Wunderland Kalkar in Germany, a theme park built inside an old what?

HIGGINS: Oh, a car factory - a car factory.

SAGAL: No, I'll give you a hint. You'll have so much fun at Wunderland Kalkar, you'll glow.

HIGGINS: A radium factory.

SAGAL: Yes, a nuclear power plant.


SAGAL: Chernobyl, more like Cher-yes-byl (ph) - Wunderland Kalkar theme park was built in 1985, but it never went online due to safety concerns because when you get on a roller coaster, you want to know it was built somewhere that had to shut down because it was not safe.


UNIDENTIFIED PERSON #2: That's a great train of thought. Oh, it's a nuclear power plant. Oh, I won't go. But don't worry. It was there a (unintelligible). Oh, OK. I guess I'll go. But because it wasn't safe. Oh, no. Maybe I shouldn't go.

SAGAL: No, apparently it's great. They offer 40 rides. They have a swing ride inside the old cooling tower, which they've painted to look really bright and fun. It's great. And just like Disneyland, there are fun characters everywhere. But at Wunderland, the giant mouse with the body of a man just keeps saying, please, kill me.

HIGGINS: Oh, no (laughter).

UNIDENTIFIED PERSON #1: It's nice to know that other countries have horrible ideas, also, 'cause this does sound like something where you'd be like - wait a minute...

SAGAL: I got to tell you...

UNIDENTIFIED PERSON #1: ...There's a theme park in Alabama inside an old knife factory or like - or like something like that.


SAGAL: I'm going to tell you. Maybe I've been locked inside too long, but I was looking at the website for Wunderland Kalkar, and it looked great - all these kids having a good time. And I'm telling you this - with your price of admission, you get as much soda, ice cream and french fries as you want. True fact.

HIGGINS: But I don't really know - like, the wisdom of giving a child as much soda - like, I don't know who's a parent here, but as much soda and as much ice cream and then putting them on a roller coaster towards a nuclear reactor, that just seems like a vomitorium express.

UNIDENTIFIED PERSON #2: It sounds like an origin story for a superhero.


SAGAL: Panel, it is time for a new game that we're calling...


KURTIS: Animal Crossing.

SAGAL: As you probably know, the global lockdown has given the animals a chance to take the earth back. So we're going to ask you about the new masters of the planet, but you have to give your answer in the form of the sound the animal makes. Here we go.

Paula, The Wall Street Journal reports that with people at overseas call centers working from home, people have been calling customer service lines. And more and more, they're hearing one animal. And remember, you have to answer in the form of their sound. Oh, they're working from their home? Yes.

PAULA POUNDSTONE: So they're hearing (imitating meowing).

SAGAL: No, they're hearing cock-a-doodle-doo.


SAGAL: They're hearing roosters.

POUNDSTONE: Well, that's a - yeah. But you know what? My cat is an impressionist.


SAGAL: All right, Tom. In Thailand, without tourists to feed them, hundreds of monkeys were caught on camera engaging in a massive monkey gang fight. So what does a massive monkey gang fight sound like?

TOM BODETT: Hoo-hoo haa haa-haa-ha-ha (ph). My bad.

SAGAL: Yes, that was a very accurate rendition of a monkey fight. Negin...

BODETT: Thank you.

SAGAL: ...This week in San Jose...

POUNDSTONE: That was actually done by my cat, just to prove a point.


SAGAL: Negin, this week in San Jose, Calif., a large herd of a certain animal broke loose and wreaked havoc in a particular suburb. What was the animal or rather, what was that animal's sound?

NEGIN FARSAD: A heard of an - baa, baa, aah, aah. (ph).

SAGAL: You were so close. It gaa-ah. It was a goat. I could tell you did a sheep, though.

FARSAD: I just want to say that was my interpretation of a goat. So...

SAGAL: No, that was a sheep. I could tell.

POUNDSTONE: Do goats - don't goats and sheep sound essentially the same?

SAGAL: I think - no, no. I think sheep are more like baa, baah. And goats are like aah. They're sort of a lower more...

BODETT: Oh, like my grandmother.

SAGAL: Yeah.


SAGAL: Paula, officials in China are denying reports that a pair of what animal stomped into a village and got drunk. What animal? Make sure you do the sound.

POUNDSTONE: How about (imitating oinking).

SAGAL: Pigs. No, it was actually an elephant. I'll try to do an elephant.


SAGAL: (Imitating elephant trumpeting).

POUNDSTONE: I'll get an elephant. I'll get my cat to do it. Cat, cat, come here. Come here.

UNIDENTIFIED PERSON #3: (Imitating elephant trumpeting).

UNIDENTIFIED PERSON #4: (Imitating elephant trumpeting).

SAGAL: Yeah. Oh, that was pretty good.


SAGAL: When we come back, the worst dinner party ever from back when we had dinner parties and the secret history of Don Cheadle. We'll be back in a minute with more from WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME from NPR. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.

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