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Limericks

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up it's, Lightning Fill in the Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. That's our Listener Limerick Challenge. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT, that's 1-888-924-8924, or click the contact us link on our website. That's waitwait.npr.org

There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows back at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and our November 3 show in Nashville, Tenn. And be sure to check out the latest How To Do Everything podcast. This week, it is the mysteries of Velcro, Velcro.

Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

ANGELA WARFIELD: Hi, how you doing?

SAGAL: I'm doing fine. Who's this?

WARFIELD: This is Angie Warfield from St. Louis, Mo.

WARFIELD: Oh, St. Louis. I love St. Louis. How are things there?

WARFIELD: St. Louis is fantastic. I have no complaints.

SAGAL: I am really glad and a little bit surprised to hear that.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Angela, welcome to the show. Bill Kurtis is going to read you three news-related limericks created by our limericist, Philipp Goedicke. If you can fill in that last word or phrase on each of them, or at least just two out of three, you will win our prize, that's Carl Kasell's voice. Are you ready to play?

WARFIELD: Absolutely. Can't wait.

SAGAL: All right, here is your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS: Hey, aren't I skinny and pale? Then why is my pay not to scale? Men's Vogue and GQ, I'm talking to you. Quit paying me less 'cause I'm...

WARFIELD: Male?

SAGAL: Male, yes.

KURTIS: Male, yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Being a model seems like a dream job - lots of new clothes, cocaine, dates with Leonardo DiCaprio. But that's just for lady models. According to the BBC, male models make 75 percent less, on average, than their female peers. Upon hearing this news, any woman who's ever had a job in any industry anywhere said, oh, you poor baby.

(LAUGHTER)

FAITH SALIE: They also don't have to walk in 7-inch heels, right?

SAGAL: They don't.

SALIE: I think that probably has to do with the pay difference.

TOM BODDEN: Yeah, yeah, they usually get to be, like, in this wax cotton stuff, standing on a - you know, under the wing of a bush plane.

ALONZO BODDEN: You going to take a shot at this one, Tom?

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: Nope, I'm done.

SAGAL: Why - why lady...

BODDEN: I'm just thinking, this male-female stuff, you might want to steer clear.

(LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: But the top male models...

SAGAL: Yes.

BODDEN: ...Make a ton of money. I mean, I know a guy...

SALIE: How do you know that? Are you one?

BODDEN: Tyson Beckford is a friend of mine.

SALIE: Oh, yeah?

BODDEN: And it is unreal. For the response he gets from women when he walks into a room, 90 percent of men would be like, I'd do it for free.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your next limerick, Angela.

WARFIELD: OK.

KURTIS: After we race round the course, he taps his hoof, coding in Morse. I knew that my steed would be able to read, so I write lengthy notes to my...

WARFIELD: Horse.

SAGAL: Yes, horse.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Do not leave those dog food recipes lying around the stable. Horses can read. A study in the journal Applied Animal Behavior Science reveals horses can learn to communicate via symbols. A group of horses were trained to read symbols meaning I want a blanket, I don't want a blanket, that sort of thing.

And after a couple of days of training, the horses could point to the symbol that indicated what they wanted. So they can read. Unfortunately, though, for the horses, they cannot learn to write, so there will be no little notes pinned to the wall saying, down on all fours, cowboy. Now I want to ride for a while.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: When in line for a black tie affair, it's the standing that I cannot bear. I can stay off my feet with this ultra smart seat. They've invented a self-driving...

WARFIELD: Chair.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

KURTIS: You're right.

SAGAL: Now, you might be worried that you had managed to eliminate all physical activity from your life but still, maddeningly, you have to stand in line. Well, thanks to a new Japanese robotic chair, you can comfortably sit while you are moved closer to your destination by the chair, be that destination be at a table at a popular restaurant or your own early grave.

(LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: Yeah, it just sounds like something that would be a big seller here in the U.S.

SAGAL: Oh, sure.

BODDEN: That, you know, you go to a Vegas buffet...

(LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: ...And you just - the moment you come out of the elevator, they're like, have a seat...

SAGAL: Yeah.

BODDEN: ...And just stay in it.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Angela do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Perfect. Perfect, Angela. St. Louis strong.

SAGAL: Well done, Angela. Thanks so much for playing.

WARFIELD: Thank you, guys.

SAGAL: Take care.

WARFIELD: Take care. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.

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