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Limericks

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT, that's 1-888-924-8924. Or click the contact us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows right here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago, and our upcoming shows in Nashville, Tenn., on November 3, and Cleveland, Ohio, on December 8.

Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

CAROLINE CHEETERBOM: Hello.

SAGAL: Hi, who's this.

CHEETERBOM: This is Caroline Cheeterbom.

SAGAL: Hey, Caroline. How are you?

CHEETERBOM: I'm great. How are you?

SAGAL: I'm fine. Where are you calling from?

CHEETERBOM: Well, I am not calling from Neptune Beach where I evacuated from.

SAGAL: Oh, my goodness. That's - so you're calling from someplace safe, I hope.

CHEETERBOM: I'm calling from someplace safe.

SAGAL: Right. And was the evacuation difficult? Did you get stuck in traffic and stuff?

CHEETERBOM: No, I have to say it was the easiest. Everyone else seemed to be going in the other direction. So I was just fine.

LUKE BURBANK: That might be a sign, Caroline.

(LAUGHTER)

HELEN HONG: Do you hear ocean waves?

SAGAL: Yeah. Well, welcome to the show, Caroline. Bill Kurtis is going to perform for you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you'll be a winner. You ready to play?

CHEETERBOM: I'm ready to play.

SAGAL: Here is your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS: They might blubber as much as they wish. Southern fins have a different swish. They are venturing fourth to the cold, briny north. But we can't understand the new...

CHEETERBOM: Fish?

KURTIS: Fish.

SAGAL: Yes, the new fish.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This is bizarre, but it turns out that Atlantic codfish have accents.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: And it is ruining their love lives. Atheism is spreading.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Scientists in England say climate change is warming the water and they're forcing Cornish cod to swim north. And once up there in the northern waters, the male cod call out to the females - they have this blabber, they make noises - in an attempt to reproduce.

But all the single lady cods can't understand the male cods' Southern accents. So these poor southern cod, they're doing their best to be charming. But all the northern cods hear is (imitating accent) blimey, miss, I'd sure like to fertilize your eggs.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Not classy. Here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: New laptops I love to unpack because my nose gets a frontal attack. Since the scents quickly flow from the air, book and pro, I got candles that smell like a...

CHEETERBOM: Nose?

SAGAL: No, no. It rhymes with pack and tack.

CHEETERBOM: Oh, that's what I thought. OK. Mac?

SAGAL: Yes, Mac.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL, APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: You can now buy a candle that purports to smell like a brand-new MacBook computer. And just like a real MacBook, the candle only lasts about six months before you have to buy a new one.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The candle is made by 12 South and smells like mint peach with just a little hint of Chinese child labor.

(LAUGHTER)

PETER GROSZ: What is that new computer smell that everybody is so, like, fond of? Is it really a distinct smell?...

SAGAL: Apparently it is. Apparently - I don't know. But apparently you can buy a candle. And they sold out instantly. But the problem is, it's like all Mac products, it's very deceptively complicated. You can't service it yourself. If it goes out you have to go to a genius bar to get it re-lit.

(LAUGHTER)

BURBANK: And if you spill wine into that candle, forget trying to lie to those people that you didn't do that.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

BURBANK: They have ways of knowing.

SAGAL: Here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: At this party, I don't want to blend. I'm sure you're hurt feelings will mend. To look extra hot I need someone who's not. I'll stand by my uglier...

CHEETERBOM: Friend.

KURTIS: Friend.

SAGAL: Yes, friend.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL, APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Scientists in London have proven the simplest way to make yourself more attractive is to stand next to your BFF, your butt-ugly friend forever.

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: BUFF.

SAGAL: This is hardly breaking news, why do you think Han Solo always hangs out with Chewbacca?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: But now you have to wonder, every time a friend asks you out to the bar, especially if they say, hey, is your psoriasis acting up? Great.

GROSZ: I was going to say, Luke and I we're going to go out after this.

BURBANK: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: Which on of us is the ugly one? Can we be equally unattractive?

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: Neither of us get to...

BURBANK: But the thing is Helen looks amazing.

HONG: Yeah.

SAGAL: Bill, how did Caroline do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Well, she got out of the hurricane's way. And she did very well here. We're going to call you a winner, Caroline. Congratulations.

SAGAL: Congratulations.

CHEETERBOM: Thank you very much.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Thanks so much for playing. Bye-bye.

CHEETERBOM: Bye-bye.

(SOUNDBITE OF BEN E KING SONG "STAND BY ME") Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.

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