The number of unmarried members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has grown over the last couple of decades.
In a new post for the Latter-day Saint blog Times and Seasons, data scientist Stephen Cranney found a quarter of Latter-day Saint adults in 2023 had never been married. That’s up 11% from 2007.
And that makes the church’s recent policy changes for singles no small thing.
Church leaders said unmarried men over 40 — with no dependent children at home — can now serve full-time missions, something women in the same category have been able to do since 1980. It could help older, single men who struggle in a church that places a high value on marriage.
Since the announcement, former singles bishop Richard Ostler has seen memes making fun of these men.
“The inference is they're not first-class citizens, or this [a mission] is kind of a default assignment,” said Ostler, host of the Listen, Learn & Love podcast and author of a book series by the same name.
Older, unmarried men are often stigmatized in the church. Ostler said sometimes people view them, or they view themselves, as “not complete and whole until they're married.” He doesn’t think it’s something in the doctrine, after all, he said, Jesus wasn’t married.
“There’s been a cultural thing that single men, once they reach a certain age, they've kind of not done what they're supposed to do to get married, and they're kind of not able to contribute.”
Or, there’s a perception that men have more control over getting married, so people may speculate as to why they haven’t found a spouse. Ostler said people ask questions like “‘Is there a sin?’ ‘Is something going on?’” — and that could cause some singles to feel like they don’t belong.
But this change might be seen as a signal from church leadership that these Latter-day Saints are normal. Ostler said serving a mission is a “tender thing” that puts a lot of trust in youth.
“So to extend the same trust to [older,] single men, I think sends a message about how our church leaders feel about them, how God feels about them — that they're needed and that they belong.”
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
Ciara Hulet: What have single men told you about why they aren’t married?
Richard Ostler: For some men, they may receive personal revelation that their path is different. I've done some podcasts with single men who have never felt impressed to be married. They're straight, and it just hasn't been what they felt is their path in life. And they felt impressed to contribute to build the kingdom in other ways. Either through their professional life or their church service.
CH: Could the change to mission rules help the stigma?
RO: I think it really can. I love Dr. Brené Brown. [She says,] “People are hard to hate close up. Move in.” I don't think we hate single people in the church, but we may not have proximity. Most of the proximity we have to people serving are single missionaries in their 20s. But if we have examples of [older,] single people serving, I think with proximity, it helps us better support them and understand their contributions and destigmatizes being single.
CH: What do older, single men offer as missionaries that others might not?
RO: Younger people are hitting the mission field at the beginning of their career before it's even started. Forty-year-olds and above are hitting the field generally with a career, under their belt or in process, they can take a pause from. So I see a link between what they've accomplished in their career being used in some way in the mission field to bless other people.
So I think this is an improvement that everybody can fully contribute to the church and use their uniqueness to help reach people.
CH: This is one of a few changes the church has made for its single members. What needs to happen next?
RO: I don't see single men serving in prominent callings, churchwide callings. And perhaps that could happen. I don't think that's a change of doctrine.
CH: Because right now, they're not allowed to serve as bishops or in higher-level callings?
RO: Yes. In a worldwide, diverse church, I think it's good if people see themselves in senior leadership. I think it helps them to feel like they belong, and [know] there are people whose stories reflect their own stories.
