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Lightning Fill In The Blank

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

All right, it's time for our final game, Lightning Fill In The Blank. You how this works. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill in the blank questions as he or she can. Each correct answer is now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores?

BILL KURTIS, BYLINE: Tom and Kyrie have three, Shelby has two.

SAGAL: OK, Shelby, you're in third place so you're up first. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank, on Thursday, Eric Holder announced that he would be resigning his position as blank?

SHELBY FERO: Attorney General.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Jimmy Johns joined Home Depot and Target as the latest company to be targeted by blank?

FERO: PETA?

SAGAL: No, hackers.

>>FERO. Oh (Laughter).

SAGAL: Rival factions Hamas and Fatah agreed on Thursday to let the Palestinian National Authority take control of blank?

FERO: Oh, shoot. The water parks.

SAGAL: The water parks. No, Gaza. Police in England are searching for a driver they say blanked before speeding through a red light.

FERO: Fell asleep?

SAGAL: No, rolled down his window and stole a pizza from a man waiting at a bus stop.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: After issuing 45 - after issuing 45 million additional shares, the IPO for Chinese e-commerce giant blank raised a total of $25 billion.

FERO: Oh, it's not Alibaba?

SAGAL: It is Alibaba.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: NASA announced that after a 10 month journey, the MAVEN spacecraft entered the orbit of blank.

FERO: Oh, man. It's not Mars?

SAGAL: It is Mars.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Be more confident. In Australia, a family's lovely camping vacation was interrupted when it was invaded by a wild pig that blanked?

FERO: At their food?

SAGAL: No, it drank 18 of their beers and got into a fight with a cow.

FERO: What?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The while pig stole 18 beers from a cooler and then drunkenly wandered into a nearby field. No one's sure what happened next, but there was a cow. Cow didn't like the pig's attitude.

FERO: What was the cow wearing?

SAGAL: Pig talked back. After a brief scuffle, the cow chased the pig out of the campsite, where it eventually passed out in a pile of its own filth - or as pigs like to call it, home. Bill, how did Shelby do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Well, she got three right. That gives her six more points. She now has eight and that's the lead.

SAGAL: Well done, Shelby.

FERO: Yeah it is.

(APPLAUSE)

FERO: This show's over.

SAGAL: We have flipped a coin and Tom has elected to go last, so Kyrie you're up next. Fill in the blank - on Wednesday, a federal judge in Massachusetts denied requests to move the trial of the blank bomber?

O'CONNOR: The marathon bomber.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, the police chief of Ferguson, Missouri posted a video apologizing to the family of blank?

O'CONNOR: Michael Brown.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Here's to the Rockefeller fortune announced Monday that they would no longer be investing in companies that sell blank?

O'CONNOR: Fossil fuel.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A newscaster in India has been fired after pronouncing Chinese president Xi Jinping's name, that's spelled Xi Jinping, as blank.

O'CONNOR: Xi?

SAGAL: No, he pronounced it as 11 Jinping.

(LAUGHTER)

FERO: An honest mistake.

O'CONNOR: That's kind of good.

SAGAL: It's kind of cool. A grand jury rules there was no evidence to justify criminal charges against racecar driver blank?

O'CONNOR: The guy who hit the other guy.

SAGAL: That would be the guy.

O'CONNOR: Last name is Stewart.

SAGAL: Yes. Tony Stewart.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A reporter at the scene of a clothing shop robbery in Chicago tried unsuccessfully to blank?

O'CONNOR: To apprehend the...

SAGAL: No, she tried to interview a mannequin. The reporter was filming in front of the clothing store when she attempted to interview what she thought was the manager who was standing inside the store with his back turned, silent, still, aloof. He didn't offer any comment, partly because he was camera shy, but mostly because he was a mannequin.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Kyrie do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Kyrie got four right for eight more points. You have the lead at 11 points, Kyrie.

SAGAL: All right.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: And how many then does Tom need to win this thing?

KURTIS: Four to tie, five to win.

SAGAL: Here we go, Tom, this is for the game. Fill in the blank - around 400,000 people marched on the streets of New York this week to raise awareness of blank?

TOM BODETT: Climate Change.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Walmart announced that by the end of October, they'd be offering their customers blank?

BODETT: Banking.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Checking accounts. After Hamid Karzai stepped down, the rival presidential candidates agreed to form a unity government in blank?

BODETT: Afghanistan.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, Iraqi intelligence reportedly uncovered an ISIS plot to attack blanks on the U.S. and Paris.

BODETT: Subways.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A man in Connecticut was arrested after he stole a car and used it to blank?

BODETT: Oh, he used it to drive to a police meeting - like a parole meeting.

SAGAL: Yeah, a probation meeting. Very good.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: ESPN suspended reporter Bill Simmons for his criticism of blank?

BODETT: Oh, the - was it the football commissioner?

SAGAL: Yeah, Roger Goodell.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A TV reporter in Alaska fished up a report on a local Cannabis Club by blanking?

BODETT: (Laughter) She - I love that state, I miss that place - she basically told everybody to F-off and said she's going to fight for legalized pot.

SAGAL: Yeah, more or less. She said she was the owner of the club, she swore and quit.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Police in the U.K. are warning people to increase their home security by going into their homes and blanking.

BODETT: Securing them.

SAGAL: No. By going into their homes and leaving balloons that say, I could have been a burglar. In order to teach students in Yorkshire the importance of always locking their doors and windows, police in the area have been breaking into unlocked homes and leaving bunches of helium balloons behind. It's a clever and effective way to teach people that if they don't take the time to secure their home, someone might break in and creep them the hell out.

Bill, did Tom do well enough to win? I think he did pretty well.

KURTIS: He did great. He got seven right, 14 more points. He's 17 and winner.

SAGAL: Congratulations, Tom. Dominant performance.

(APPLAUSE)

BODETT: Thank you. Thank you very much.

SAGAL: In just a minute, we'll ask our panelists now that they're locking the door, how will the next intruder gain access to the White House.

But first, let me tell you that support for NPR comes from NPR stations and CNN. With the new CNN original series "This Is Life With Lisa Ling," which explores unexpected facets of life. Starts Sunday night on CNN. Angie's List, offering consumer reviews for more than 19 years, and providing online shopping and scheduling for local services - angieslist.com. Source America, researching and developing employment and training initiatives for people with significant disabilities, sourceamerica.org. And Esurance, with a smartphone app that lets customers take care of their car insurance on the go. Esurance, welcome to the modern world, esurance.com. WAIT WAIT ...DON'T TELL ME is a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Haircut Products. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.

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